I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
