Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
