i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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