I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
