Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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