I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
