So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
