new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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