So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
