just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize