Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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