i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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