Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
