Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
