You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
