i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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