Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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