So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
