and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
