so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do vagina's smell?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
