god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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