we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
