new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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