somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize