we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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