i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
