apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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