Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
