i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
