It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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