Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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