Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
