I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
