never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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