I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
