i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize