I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
