so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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