Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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