i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
