i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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