Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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