singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
