Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
