Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
