Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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