i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
