I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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