to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
