so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
