It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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