how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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