I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
