I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
