he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I supernannyed him into submission
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize