is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize