Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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