and you said cock pushups were impossible
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
