So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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