My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
