I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
