Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
