That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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