he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
