if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
