This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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