This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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